The "K" to Become "KC" - Barnes and Sanders Team Up!

The announcement of Kay Barnes as the choice to head up a Jackson County Charter Review Task Force didn't attract much notice, but it could be the most significant event for Kansas City political insiders since Tom Pendergast started selling concrete.

A task force to review the Jackson County Charter sounds like an innocuous, perhaps even dull, assignment for a woman who once spent her days being chauffeured to ribbon-cuttings at taxpayer-financed boondoggles that profited her closest friends. Term limits forced her out of that cushy gig, much to the disappointment of her entourage of developers and real estate lawyers. A subsequent attempt to take her game to the next level by seeking access to the even larger federal dollar pot resulted in a bruising defeat and a nightmarish couple years spent north of the river, miles from the Country Club Plaza.

"Kay and I met one day when she accidentally visited Independence, thinking she would find the headquarters of The Independent, Kansas City's Journal of Society," Jackson County Executive Mike Sanders recounted.

"I saw my opportunity to solve some of the County's real estate problems - namely, the fact that the City has begun to realize that they have no obligation to donate $2,000,000 to the stadiums. Kay has demonstrated a real knack for sticking Kansas City taxpayers with outrageous financial obligations, and that is exactly what I wanted to accomplish."

While the Jackson County Charter Review Commission has yet to hold its first meeting, big changes are already afoot. Barnes is taking a fresh approach to the task, using the opportunity to use the County's governing document to alter some fundamental relationships.

Kay Barnes beamed with excitement as she announced the most visible change. "From now on, the 'K' will be called the 'KC'!," she proclaimed from behind a humongous flower.

While many in the audience assumed that the name was being changed to reflect a more active role for Kansas City, her posse of developers and real estate lawyers were quick to correct the mistake.

"'Kauffman Stadium' will now officially be called 'Kauffman-Cordish' Stadium, and the stadium complex will henceforth be part of the Power and Light District," former City Manager Wayne Cauthen announced. "I had never actually read the contracts between the City and Cordish, but it turns out that instead of promising free parking, like Kay and I told people it did, it actually gave Cordish the rights to use taxpayer funds to directly take over local businesses instead of slowly driving them out of business. Who knew?"

Of course, once Cordish takes over the site, Kansas City taxpayers will be on the hook for all the risk but none of the profit. "That's the way it works," former Mayor Barnes explained. "We're already paying $12 million this year for P&L, up from $4 million last year. What's another few million dollars? The snow on the streets will be melted by the time baseball season starts."

The deal will have a major impact on the management of the Royals baseball team, as well. CEO David Glass made the announcement that Steve Glorioso, longtime aide to Kay Barnes, will be joining Royals management as Revenge Coach.

"For years we've focused on Offense and Defense, but it hasn't worked out very well for us. When we saw how Mr. Glorioso handled the defeat of his chosen candidates in the Mayoral and Congressional elections, we realized we were missing out on an important facet of the complete game. From now on, whenever a team defeats us, we will focus on attacking them, their families, and their supporters. We will contact other teams in the league to badmouth the victors, and then we will badmouth those teams when it suits us." Glorioso chimed in, "Do you know what kind of cars opposing players drive? Do you know that some of them talk to their wives about the games??"

When asked why they were hiring Mr. Glorioso instead of someone with a better track record of success, Mr. Glass explained, "Jeff Roe was already talking to the Yankees, and Steve pointed to his experience."

Critics pointed to a looming problem with the concept of Cordish ownership of the the stadium. A reporter from a small newspaper raised the question - "What will those money-loving #### do when black athletes show up in athletic apparel?"

Cordish was not yet prepared to respond to the issue. "We're at least two task forces and a committee away from figuring out what to do with the dress code issue," Mayor Funkhouser replied. "Until we get it resolved, we will expect all athletes to play in proper 'club' attire."

As the press conference came to a close, Anne McGregor showed up in the parking lot with a few paid petitioners in an attempt to "Recall the Umpire". Upon hearing that there was no legal basis to recall the umpire, she explained that the umpire is the least popular person on the field, and that she felt compelled to try to score a few political points off the opportunity. "Even when - I mean if - I fail again to get the right number of legitimate signatures, I can get some publicity for my effort. Oh, and I'm supposed to say 'Stop the nonsense' - my sponsors pay me money every time I say that!"

In a final note, Cordish announced that the Kansas City Royals Hall of Fame will be broadening its scope. "When we came to Kansas City, the first thing we did was bring in Minneapolis barbecue to replace Lil' Jake's. We want to bring a certain bland homogeneity to all cities, and we see no reason that the Kansas City Royals Hall of Fame should feature Kansas City Royals. We'll be replacing the George Brett statue with a Kirby Puckett statue on opening day," a nameless company spokesperson recited. "The Johnson Countians we're hoping to attract probably won't notice the difference."

Downtown Indianapolis

Just got back from a few work days in Indianapolis. Their downtown was impressive - lots of people and night life, without the phony, dress-coded corporate feel of a Cordish strip mall. There was a great blend of local restaurants and bars along side the expected chains, and most were located in genuine old buildings. It was great.

I started to ask around about how it all happened - what kind of tax breaks were given to whom to spark such a vibrant downtown? Unfortunately, I don't have the answers yet, and, even more unfortunately, I realized I don't really care that much. Kansas City's ship has sailed. We have what we have, and we're never going to have what Indianapolis has.

Indianapolis has downtown Indianapolis. We have Kansas City/Daytona/4th Street/Philly/Power Plant/Woodbine Live!, thanks to the "leadership" of our prior Mayor and council.

Free Parking at Power & Light District?

I learned yesterday that the $2 fee for parking at the city-built Power & Light District garage is optional. As I was waiting for the gate-machine to process my card, a car in the lane next to mine escaped for free by tailgating the car in front of it through the gate.

2 for the price of 1 parking! Who knew?

Of course, I was aghast at the thievery of my fellow Kansas Citian, and I'm mentioning it here out of anger, not admiration. I would never encourage people to do something illegal and mildly dangerous. That would be wrong, and there has been enough wrong about the Power & Light District without common citizens getting in on the action.

How dare a citizen of this city take advantage of a flaw in the system to save him or herself a couple bucks? That would be almost as bad as the Cordish company reneging on its plan to allow Kansas Citians to park for free in the garage they built for Cordish.

In a way, though, the clever toll-dodger should not feel too fortunate. In fact, that parking spot cost around $10 - every man, woman and child's share of the $4 million we taxpayers are going to get stuck with because Cordish has failed to live up to its promises.

Irresponsibility, Cordish, Convention Hotels, and Game Boy Games

A few days ago, I was going to write a piece about the chutzpah of the Cordish Company for trying to prevent light rail from proceeding on most logical route to downtown. Before I got around to writing my thoughts, though, I saw that Mark Forsythe had already written a piece that caught the spirit of what I was thinking, and did it more gracefully and subtly than I could have. One sentence in particular stands out as an effective, thought-provoking analysis of the real game being played here - "Isn't the real issue the kind of people Cordish fears that public transit will bring to the district?" Go read the whole thing.

To broaden Mark's points a little, though, this little flap is typical of the kind of power plays being played by Kansas City's monied interests. Cordish and the Sprint Center CHOSE to put their project right on Grand, and talked us out of millions and millions of tax dollars to do it. We put our faith in their ability to deliver a solid business plan - after all, they're smart, professional business people, right? Everybody who knew anything about Kansas City knew that we were looking at developing light rail down Grand. If they were truly foolish enough to create a business plan that hinges on Kansas City shunning light rail, well, cry me a river. We might as well shut down the Power and White District now, because the people running it must be fools.

In another example of taxpayers being looked at to bail out bad business decisions, a lot of people are now claiming that we need to divert tax dollars from our schools and streets and police officers so that we can build a big, fancy convention hotel. What?!?! When they built the convention center, did they or did they not anticipate this "need"? If they did, then they should have included it in their plans in the first place, and budgeted for it. If they didn't, and it really is necessary, well, too bad, so sad. You screwed up, and I don't want to give you any more money after you've demonstrated you won't spend it wisely. What will you "need" next?

When my son was very young, he wanted to buy a Gameboy. He saved his nickels and dimes, and did extra chores, until he had the money. I asked him about how much games would cost him, and he had prepared a list of games he wanted to buy and how much they cost. He had planned out how he would continue to save for each game, and how long he expected it to take. The kid had a business plan, and it didn't hinge on his old man stepping in and bailing him out.

Is it too much to ask our development community to show the same level of responsibility?

Koster Defies Kansas City Priorities

One of the interesting sidelights to the controversy over Festival Licenses has been Senator Chris Koster's abandonment of Kansas City.

In a quick recap, Kansas City listed as one of its priorities in Jefferson City the increased flexibility in making "Festival Liquor Licensing" available for districts in Kansas City. It's a great idea - a few more festivals with adult beverages available would make our city a better tourist attraction.

Believe it or not, Chris Koster actually voted against this common-sense, pro-Kansas City proposal when it came up in committee. Fortunately, a bipartisan majority, led by Senator Jolie Justus, outvoted Koster's anti-Kansas City sneak attack.

Cordish Complaining?

I was shocked that Cordish, the TIF Pig behind the KC Live district, has the gall to complain about festival licenses being issued to other districts in the city to allow outdoor drinking. They claim they were "promised" that the city wouldn't allow such competition.

Were those promises made in the same meetings when Cordish promised to have the district ready in the Fall of '07?

Just wondering . . .